How to Deal With Stupid Orangeholes

We all know that there’s “stupid” people who “don’t get it”. They come to us and tell how things need to be done. They act like idiots and don’t respect our comments, ideas or thoughts.

Here’s what I have to deal with:

The orangehead story
Me: “Here’s a list of games we can play then.”

Orangehead: “But I won’t participate unless there’s good games.”

Me: Well, what games you want? Why cannot you show some support? This is a team effort, no time to go solo. Everybody needs to show some team spirit here!”

Me thinking secrectly: (What a goddamn orangehead. This type of situation doesn’t very often and this dude is already ruining the plans even before we get started)

And so on
No matter how much we force our own opinion, they just don’t get it.

Orangeheads.

Here’s one lil thing that has helped me to see to the other side of the fence. It requires a big drill, but after there’s a hole – I can take a peek and have little more understanding why these orangeheads act like they do.

The drill philosophy states that: “People do the best decisions from their point-of-view”.

If I start thinking this… I can think that perhaps the Orangehead in the story isn’t that orangehead after all. Maybe he really wants to participate, but is concerned that there aren’t good games to play. Maybe he would be fully supporting the plan, but just wants to ensure that there are really good games to play.

If I label him (in my mind – or in a blog post for that matter) as an “orangehead” I’ve sort of like “already made up my mind what I think about this chap”. This calls for confrontation. I defend my view, he defends his view… and it’s a battle. Instead, if I think that this orangehead, I mean fellow chap, is doing the best decisions from his point-of-view I can gain more understanding and perhaps help find some middleground.

10 thoughts on “How to Deal With Stupid Orangeholes

  1. what is this group you are making?

  2. How did I solve this problem?

    We kicked the guy away. Lol. Teaches him a lesson!

    :D

    (Eh. Just kidding. Okay… I just gave some middle ground and said something that this gathering isn’t just about games, it’s also seeing some familiar faces… and also stated that if we get big enough group of people, we can split it and have 2 groups playing some games at some point)

  3. Good points hermitC. Agreed that they are tough to master but as you mature it becomes easier (providing you actually spend time working on them). I used to tell the truth (as I saw it) but people disliked it. For most people (except those who can handle it) I have to wrap the truth in a nice digestible format. As for criticism the idea is to be receptive to it but not let it negatively affect you.

  4. Me and my friends often have a very similar predicament about which game to play.
    I think if one person isn’t open to someone’s opinion than either will the other person.

    I’m very respective and understanding other people’s preference and opinion, but they need to show me the same decency.

  5. Wait, #2 is possible? You CAN’T be immune to others’ actions unless you’re on an island alone that noone knows about. I mean, I know you’re only supposed to use this sort of stuff at work or in business or what have you, but the way this sort of stuff is always written implies that it extends to everything.

    Even being immune to people’s words is hard, as other people’s words affect how they and others will treat you.

    Oops, derail. Your point Juuso is pretty good :)

  6. @Jake:
    The four agreements seem wise. #2 and #3 materialized in my mind over the last few years without knowing the book at all. IMHO this is wisdom every person developes in his life to some degree.

    Experience told me that these guidelines are simple to learn but hard to master. There are some situations where you have to break such rules of empathy, tolerance and strength.

    #1: Most people won’t accept unconfortable truth until you pack it into some charming and pleasing words. Truth is the best solution but be cautious using it.

    #2: Very, very hard to master! Critique often improves you as long as it is constructive. When you are immune to critique you won’t advance. Taking critique serious and filtering out true idiots works better for me. You can’t be everybody’s friend but you can try it.

    #3 and #4: Agreed, Toltec people rule!

    @Juuso:
    How did you solve this problem?

  7. The artist on our team tends to have some really far-fetched ideas a lot, we always refer to his ideas as having too much orange. (Yeah, semi-unrelated, I just thought it was amusing.)

  8. Hehe, that statement “People do the best decisions from their point-of-view” is one of the NLP’s axioms and indeed helps to at least try to view the things from another point of view. Good you’ve discovered by yourself, i have to say that this “drill philoshopy” changed my life with a blow hard to describe :)

  9. I’m confused – is this about fake tan?

    Seriously though, anyone who says “I’ll only play if there are good games” probably wouldn’t know a good game if it stood on it’s own hind legs, opened it’s giant, shark like mouth and ripped off his upper torso.

    He probably likes to play *shudder* Movie tie-in games or something.

  10. Tonight at Toastmasters I heard about the 4 agreements. Check it out. No.3 may apply to this situation: http://www.businessballs.com/thefouragreementsdonmiguelruiz.htm