Category Archives: Trout slapping

The Next Person to Descibe a Sports Game “Realistic” Will Receive a Grand Trout Slap

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I read a review about a golf game, where the author described the game as “realistic” attempt on golf.

I gave the paper this look:

o.O

And after that I started ranting in my mind how that golf game isn’t realistic. Anyone who has played real golf will agree with me.

Here’s some points that I went through in my mind:

#1 – Pain is in the body of the golfer
Let’s take a human back pain and then add pain-in-parts-you-didn’t-know-that-existed-in-your-body. I’ve tried golf once (for few hours). The next day, my “side” (don’t know English term) was hurting like hell. I couldn’t twist my body. And this happened when I was in such shape that I could run half-a-marathon. I’ve yet to see golf game do this.

#2 – “Yeh, but Wii has that if you do it properly!” I can hear you thinking
Well, Watson, there’s more into it.

Golf, by default, is a bloody frustrating game where you can achieve 20% accuracy (and by accuracy I mean the ability to actually hit the ball so that it flies to some direction) after few hours of training – if you have 10 years baseball experience background like I do.

Most of the time it’s frustrating. You try to swing and most likely it results in:

  • Flying pile of grass
  • Almost missed swing (combine with the previous + add 10 cm ball movement)
  • Missed swing (leaving ball where it was)
  • Ball that goes to left, bouncing very low – and touching ground almost all the time.

Only on rare occasions, you will actually hear the most rewarding sound (the sound of your club hitting the ball) and see how the ball flies far away (and far away it indeed flies!).

And that’s the only reason why you keep swinging the damn club for several hours… the reason that at some point you might actually hit the golf ball. (And that’s the reason why I actually enjoyed golf a lot). Classic game design element here: “randomizing reward”.

In “realistic” golf games you just press couple of buttons or wave some short stick controlled in your hand and then the ball flies most likely to the direction you wanted.

I’ve yet to see a single golf game that would be realistic, and unless the game will feature (1) real golf club, (2) real golf ball, (3) enuf space, I doubt that I will never will.

(And don’t even get me started talking about “realistic UFC fighting game”…)

I Like Threatening People

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I’ve added a “Like” button on my blog (see the right side menu). In case you’d happen to like this blog… then feel free to click that button.

No pressures, but I will release the air from your bicycle wheels (and might smack it with a large trout too) if you don’t click the button.

No point risking it. Right?

Here’s How iPhone 4 Can Increase Your Productivity (Even When You Don’t Own It)

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2 Easy step (you’ll save tons of time and can be much more productive if you do this):

  • Stop reading blog posts, flame wars, comments, reviews, expert opinions, consumer reports, apple blog or anything that even hints anything about iPhone 4.
  • Stop laughing at the issues they are having and mocking/defending iPhone (it doesn’t get you anywhere and just proves you are jealous/sheep). If you aren’t jealous, then let the god damn machine do what it does – it doesn’t hurt you. If you keep defending, you are a sheep. Wolves don’t defend. They eat the sheeps at night time and poo on farmers land. (Not really certain where this analogy is going, but the point is – there’s no point in trying to defend iPhone).

Laughing at iPhone (when you don’t even own the bloody thing) does you no good. What you try to prove? That Apple was wrong? Check the Apple stocks rating and revenues – they happen to know quite a bit of this biz thing, so maybe we should just shut up.

Defending iPhone is waste of time. If you know it’s a good piece of work, you can – you know – like focus on using it. Everybody and their mom knows that there’s flaws/inconveniences in iPhone (like what product wouldn’t have?). You know it too. There’s no point trying to deny something that exists or try the “it’s not a bug, it’s a feature” approach. I’ve been coding stuff for ages. Some more buggy than other. Denying this is like eating my own leg. And wolves don’t do that (except when they are really hungry).

Anyone commenting in this blog post mentioning word “but”, “my iPhone” or “you realize that..” or anything similar deserves a large trout slap.

(I trust you guys to get your trouts ready.)

Flickr/Yahoo People, Be Warned! I’m About To Use Crossbow to Shoot Somebody in The Knee

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Alrighty, this post probably has zero value when it comes to doing any game development (well, I suppose some browser MMO’s could find this useful on how not to handle a forgot password system), but it could be relatively useful for some folks.

I had created a Flickr account and for some unknown reason I hadn’t typed the username and password for the account. Well, certainly I would be able to get my password back – all these systems offer the “forgot password” option, right?

Well, here’s what happened
I tried logging in to Flickr and realized that I didn’t remember the account info. I knew that username was probably “gameproducer” (since I could access to my gameproducer page) and tried using the “forgot password” option.

  • I clicked it, typed my username and wrote the spam prevention security code and clicked next.
  • I expected to get password sent to the email address that’s tied to my username, but heck I was wrong.
  • I saw this screen: “please provide your alternative email”
  • I was like: “O_o”

I mean, how hard can it be to (1) “let people tell their username OR email” and (2) send their password.

Okay, I bravely continued:

  • I chose “I can’t access any of the above” and clicked next
  • I was asked “Where did you [security question]?”
  • I typed several answers trying to figure out the letters but no luck.
  • I tried clicking yahoo id forgot password but there I couldn’t remember the yahoo id. I tried using the system again guessing my alternative email but no luck.
  • I started thinking: maybe I should just register a new account. That might be tons of faster.
  • I though I’d contact Flickr support and see what happens.

Here’s the Flickr support email discussion in a nutshell:

  • Juuso: “I don’t remember my email, here’s my account info URL & username”
  • Flick support person #1: “please tell Date of birth and Postal Code & Country”
  • Juuso: “here you go… [birthday + postal code]”

At this point, somebody else contacted me:

  • Flickr support person #2: “Where did you [security question 1]” and “Where did you [security question 2]?”
  • Juuso: “uh… probably these: [my answers]”

Now, at this point I got a third person to reply me (isn’t that sweet):

  • Flickr support person #3: “To log in, you need yahoo username [which is *this*]. If you are having trouble logging in, you can use the “Forgot
    your ID or password” link, on the sign in page”.
  • At that point I was like: “O_o”

Now I was thinking of using crossbow to shoot somebody in the knee, and seriously thought that “I should have just created a new account right in the first place”, but then I thought that writing a blog post about shooting somebody in the knee would be less illegal.

So, I decided to take the last final attempt and see if I could get my password. I went to that page mentioned… and following took place. First I saw the “forgot password” link:

  • I clicked it, typed my username and wrote the security code and clicked next.
  • I was slightly expecting to perhapsget password sent to the email address that’s tied to my username, but heck I was wrong.
  • I saw this screen: “please provide your alternative email”
  • I was like: “O_o”

Talk about deja vu. I realized I was right in the place where I started.

I’d have a totally 100% free tip for Yahoo / Filckr
I mean seriously. Their forgot password system uses something like this:

  • Ask people to type their username and security code
  • If they succeed, ask them for alternative email
  • When they fail, ask them to provide birthday and shit
  • When they succeed, raise the challenge, and ask some mysterious questions that will be certain to go wrong.
  • Have evil laughter after checking the stats of “another poor bastard who cannot login”

What if they would have like this:

  • Ask people to type their username (or email – either one would be accepted) and a spam prevention security code
  • Send the password to the email that’s tied in the username

Bonus tip:
Oh, and you are wrong when you say to me: “Looks like you had trouble reading the security code (9100)”. To me it looks like you guys are having trouble giving readable security codes. What if you’d think this that way? 9101.

Or what if I just type down my login info and shut up.

Oh, and since shooting crossbow arrows to knee is illegal in some countries, I just might use a large trout slap instead.